CONFLICT MANAGEMENT SKILLS IN THE WORKPLACE

It's not uncommon for personalities to clash in the workplace. The key is to have a solid strategy on hand to help you resolve such conflicts — or conflict management skills as we call them. A good definition for conflict is hostile or aggressive behavior in the workplace, including passive-

aggressive behavior, which requires some level of effort on the part of one or both parties involved to resolve.

An interesting article by Management for the Rest of Us breaks conflict management strategies down into a useful model, some of which are more beneficial than others. They include competition, avoidance, accommodation, compromise and collaboration.

According to the article, competition involves putting your needs ahead of the other party involved, steamrolling over whomever it takes to make sure what you want happens. This strategy can work when you're in management, but it's a surefire way to get people not to cooperate with you (and hate you). Avoidance is a temporary solution in which you don't talk about what's bothering you and just put up with it. Accommodation isn't much different — it's merely verbally letting the other party get their way without ever speaking up for what you would prefer to happen. Compromise means both parties make concessions to resolve the issue, and collaboration means both parties assume good intent and work together to make sure everyone's workplace needs are met.

While the best goal is to come to a place of collaboration, not everyone has the luxury of having a difficult co-worker who is willing to get to that point. A beginning step to good conflict management is first to address a matter calmly as soon as it happens, keeping in mind to choose your battles wisely. Let lesser issues go, and only address a matter when it truly interferes with your workplace needs.

When addressing an issue, start your sentence with "I" rather than "you." For example, it is better to say, "I find it hard to focus on my work when your music is turned up so loud" rather than "Your music is so loud, I can't focus on my work." Starting a sentence with "you" comes across as accusatory, so avoid doing it if you can.

Another good strategy is to avoid using sweeping terms like "you always" and "you never." For example, it is better to say "Sometimes when I try to give my opinion in a meeting, you interrupt me" rather than saying "You're always interrupting me in meetings. You never let me get a word in edgewise." This also comes across as accusatory and will put the co-worker on the defensive.

Finally, seek first to understand. It takes two to tango, and that means you have likely played some role in creating the conflict. Acknowledge this and do what you can to diffuse the situation by apologizing for unkind or aggressive behavior.